Moms and daughters.
What starts out as a super-cute and sweet baby, quickly grows into an impressionable young girl, then a headstrong teenager, followed by womanhood.
Being a good role model to your daughter is crucial in helping her grow into a strong, Godly woman.
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Being a Good Role Model To YOur Daughter
The truth is that many of us didn’t have the best role models as kids. I love my Mom to death but, when it came to setting a standard for me to follow, she missed the mark.
Yes, I (eventually) turned out quite alright, but I really wanted to lay a better foundation for my own daughter.
In everything set them an example by doing what is good… Titus 2:7 NIV
Why is Being a Good Role Model Important?
As moms, we have so much power and responsibility when it comes to raising up the next generation of young women. Teaching them to
- prioritize God
- be respectful
- be kind
- be responsible
- have self-control
- be classy
- have healthy personal and intimate relationships
- have courage
- have positive body image and self-esteem
- be a leader
- be independent
Even though we think they ignore most of what we say – THEY WATCH EVERYTHING we do!!Even though we think they ignore most of what we say – THEY WATCH EVERYTHING we do!! It is so important the we model the behaviors we want to see in them! Click To Tweet
And actions are so much more powerful than words!
But most importantly – if we DON’T give them something good to emulate – the world will teach them something else!
Being a good role model for our daughters (raising great girls) means teaching them through our actions – not just with our words!
Things Mothers Should Teach Their Daughters (by Action)
Like I said – they watch EVERY SINGLE THING that we do (or don’t do). They learn how to navigate the world, navigate relationships, and so much more by simply watching how we do it!
Point your kids in the right direction; when they’re old they won’t be lost. Proverbs 22:6 MSG
If we don’t want our daughters going down the same roads that we did, making the same bad decisions and mistakes that we did, we must teach them (through our actions) a better way.
Teach Your Daughter to Prioritize God
This is another one that I didn’t get right early on! I didn’t raise my kids in church. We didn’t begin going to church (or even speaking of God) until the summer before my daughter entered 6th grade.
Fortunately, we found an amazing church and church family there and she absolutely loves serving and being part of the Student Ministry.
Now that I am a follower of Christ, I understand the importance of teaching kids about God – and not just for them to get into Heaven!
in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight. Proverbs 3:6 NIV
We can teach our daughters the importance of God and the church by making God and church a priority. There is no sleeping in on Sunday because we go to and also serve – with VERY few exceptions!
We teach them to prioritize God because they see us doing it. I know so many parents (totally not judging but just pointing this out) that go to church but let their teenager stay home if they “don’t feel like going.”
Or worse! Church is more of a “maybe we’ll go if I get up on time” for mom. If you don’t prioritize church, why should they?
If you want them to prioritize God, then show them how by
- making church a regular part of your family routine
- serving together
- getting involved beyond Sunday.
Teach Your Daughter Respect
Respect is something many kids lack today. Why? Because no one is teaching it to them!
Respect comes in many forms, from how they speak to others – to respecting the law – to respecting our flag.
Show respect for all people [treat them honorably], love the brotherhood [of believers], fear God, honor the king. 1 Peter 2:17 AMP
Here are just a few examples of things you can model for your daughter to show her what respect looks like:
- speak to your child the way you want them to speak to you
- speak to others the way you want them to speak to others
- treat others with the same respect you expect your children to
- open doors and let adults (or the elderly) go first
- give up your chair for pregnant women and the elderly
- respect your body by saving it for marriage
- respect for the home by keeping it clean and maintained
- respect our country by standing and being quiet during the National Anthem or patriotic services
- respect the officer who pulled you over for speeding!
Teach Your Daughter to Be Kind
Kindness is an act that can have a huge impact on our world. In a time when everyone is dead-set on tearing each other apart, a little kindness can be contagious!
Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit [through factional motives, or strife], but with [an attitude of] humility [being neither arrogant nor self-righteous], regard others as more important than yourselves. Philippians 2:3 AMP
How can you teach your daughter to be kind? Simple. Regularly do things for others with zero expectations in return. Seriously. Go out of your way (even to the point of imposition) to help someone else. And do these things for the sole purpose of helping another person or making someone else smile.
Another way to show kindness to others is by responding to ugliness with grace. When a cashier is rude or short with you, respond with a smile and maybe even a comment about how much you love how she has her hair that day (don’t be sarcastic but be sincere).
These are behaviors that your daughter will begin to emulate.
Teach Your Daughter About Responsibility
It seems today that so many teenage girls and young women are just so darn irresponsible! Flaking out on responsibilities and commitments like it ain’t no thang!
Could it be that they were only mimicking what they saw their own mothers do? Not paying bills on time, being late to work all the time, etc…
You can’t just say “you need to be more responsible” because they really don’t know what “responsible” looks like.
Show them responsibility by being early for work (or other engagements), paying bills on time, not spending money frivolously, etc.
If you want your teenage daughter to do these things then show her how by doing them yourself!
Teach Your Daughter Self-Control
Self-control is such an important trait to teach your teenage daughters! Kids, by nature, are impulsive.
And he must be hospitable [to believers, as well as strangers], a lover of what is good, sensible (upright), fair, devout, self-disciplined [above reproach—whether in public or in private]. Titus 1:8 AMP
So many kids (and adults) today want what they want – NOW – and struggle with the concept of waiting (and working) for something they want.
Self-control helps them save money and stay organized.
It also helps them learn to take a breath before making decisions. Ever meet someone who freaks out and responds anytime something is said about them? (Maybe that is you, Mama!)
By teaching them self-control, they will take a pause when someone “acts a fool” towards them instead of lashing back.
Teach Your Daughter to Be Classy
When I think “classy,” I think of a woman that dresses nice, fashionable – but also a bit conservatively. She doesn’t feel the need to put all God gave her out on display!
- I think of a woman who uses social media to share encouragement – not to share trashy or inappropriate posts, or to call out someone who did her wrong.
- I think of a woman who doesn’t throw herself all over a man in public (of course a little PDA with her husband is expected).
- I think of someone who walks with confidence – but not conceit.
- I think of someone who always uses her words for good – to build others up and not tear them down.
If these are the things you hope to see in your daughter one day, then you need to also model these same behaviors for her!
Teach Her About Healthy Relationships
I’d say this is probably the one that I failed the most at.
When my daughter was much younger, I dated quite often and, yes – brought them around my kids.
Around middle school, however, I had a moment of clarity about the whole “dating with kids” thing and made a serious effort to do better. I knew she’d be coming into her teen years and wanted her to learn healthy relationship habits (unlike what I’d learned).
LISTEN UP!! If you are a single mom, how you engage with men is exactly how your daughter will begin engaging with men as she enters her “boy-crazy” puberty phase!!
If you are in a bad relationship, don’t get bent when your daughter brings home a loser that treats her like garbage!
Moms can teach their teenage daughters about relationships by emulating the type of relationship you want her to have.
If you gossip, they will gossip. If you use people, so will they!
This is something that I really want my daughter to learn from me – how to not let fear control your life! If you want your daughters to be strong women, show them how to face their fears.
Be strong and courageous, and do the work. Do not be afraid or discouraged, for the Lord God, my God, is with you. He will not fail you or forsake you until all the work for the service of the temple of the Lord is finished. 1 Chronicles 28:20
So many women seem to stay stuck because they are afraid of stepping outside of their comfort zones. Then get mad when their teenager does the same thing!
I want my daughter to know that she can do anything she puts her mind to! So I let her know when something intimidates me so she sees me tackling it head-on.
I also want her to have the courage to stand up for what is right and for others. Far too often, women don’t feel they have a voice and remain quiet when they see an injustice.
When you see something that is wrong, do you stand up and say something or just let it go? When you see someone being persecuted, do you stand up for them?
Do you choose the path of good over the path of popularity?
Teach Your Daughters to Love Themselves (and their bodies)
When I had my daughter, one of the first things that went through my mind was that I don’t want her to obsess over her body as I did at her age.
Back then, it wasn’t as bad as today with “perfection” shoved in our faces daily through the TV and social media.
I wanted her to be comfortable with herself just the way God created her. Yes, I expected the normal ups and downs associated with puberty, but I didn’t want her to obsess over it and let it become who she was.
Do you constantly complain about your body or weight in front of your daughter?
Do you obsess over what you eat? There is a difference in trying to maintain a healthy diet and watching what you eat so you don’t gain weight.
Your daughter will learn from this behavior! She will learn that she must keep her body looking a certain way in order to be “acceptable” to society.
Do you talk down to yourself? Do you ever say things like you wished you were as pretty as someone else?
Your daughter will begin to do the same!
If you don’t want your daughter obsessing over her body, then you must not either. Teach her to embrace the curves and be happy with how God created her!
I learned so much about leadership in the military. And while I don’t necessarily want my daughter taking the military route – I do want her to know how to be a leader.
Don’t let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example for the believers in speech, in conduct, in love, in faith and in purity. 1 Timothy 4:12 NIV
Being a leader isn’t about telling others what to do or being “in charge”. It is about taking charge of a situation or idea and rallying others around a common goal.
A leader sees a need and comes up with ideas to fill that need. They don’t just sit around hoping and waiting – they take action.
How are you empowering your daughter to lead? Are you modeling leadership qualities for her to follow?
- stepping up in the community
- stepping into higher serving roles at church
- getting involved where change needs to be effected
This is another “hot” issue for me as the mom of a teenage daughter. I see so many young girls quickly latching on to guys because they need someone to take care of them.
Marriage shouldn’t be about making sure you have someone to pay your bills! While I do want her to grow up and get married (someday), I want her to know that she can be financially independent.
There is absolutely nothing wrong with being a stay-at-home mom/housewife but life happens sometimes. Divorce, illness, death. There are many reasons that could leave a wife without a husband. Then what? She ends up on welfare because she doesn’t know how to provide for herself.
I can do all this through him who gives me strength. Philippians 4:13 NIV
I want my daughter to know that she can support herself if she needs to. When I first got medically discharged from the military, I had no job, no income – nothing but my disability check (which wasn’t much).
Instead of simply heading to the welfare office, I got to researching things I could do from home. That’s how I learned all this blogging stuff!
(By the way, I’m not knocking those who do have to apply for welfare as it is meant to be a temporary help for those in need. I AM knocking those who make a living from it because they don’t know how to take responsibility for themselves because that is what their daughters will also learn.)
Model the Behavior You Want to See in Your Daughter!
I’ll be honest – some of these things I got completely wrong when my daughter was a bit younger. It took me a while to get my head on straight and see how my actions could impact my daughter as she got older.
The hard truth is that if we, as Moms, don’t take the initiative to be a good role model for our daughters, the world will! So many young girls are already on a path lead by their favorite (trashy) social media influencer or musical artist.
Also, keep this in mind. You can’t force her to do as you do! All you can do is model the behavior you hope to see in her.